Knowing now who my readers are makes writing here that much more enjoyable. Now I know what I say is being heard. Heard by those I done know, don’t like, don’t give a FUCK what they think, and also those that I love. Enjoy.
Christmas is so close. The past few years have been devastating to me, I hated Xmas. But I’m getting so used to it now I have to try to enjoy it, for my oldest daughter.
“The kids don’t even ask about you guys.” That is stuck in my head and I cant for the life of me understand how someone wouldn’t make sure they DID ask about us or make sure I told them their parents love them no matter the circumstances. But I guess not everyone is like me. That sucks. The world would be such a good place if they were.
With my oldest daughter, I never ever talked bad about her biological dad. Never. And I always made sure she knew he loved her. Even though the asshole never came to see her or did anything for her. I didn’t want to warp my baby girl’s mind. I didn’t want her to feel unloved. And I feel that’s exactly whats happening with my kids. I feel like they think we don’t love them.
I cant talk to them online. They cant have FB. They’re not allowed to video chat with us.
Its literally impossible to have a conversation with them on the phone for the allotted 2 minutes each. They live an hr away so its not easy to get out there without a car.
I’m throwing in the towel. I cant be devastated for the rest of my life because I don’t have that long of a life left. So what i do have left i have to make better so that when my kids do come back to me i am the mom they knew before they left.
We love you guys more than anything…I wish I could tell you everyday.