Being Homeless


I want to start this entry by saying my heart goes out to the homeless right now.  It’s getting colder and now with me having been in that situation for 2 years,  I know that these days it can and probably will happen to the best of us at one point in your lives.  I hope not but dont get too comfortable or you’re next. But I hope it never happens to my readers.

I am proud to say I found a house. After one full summer of being literally homeless and sleeping in hotels, walking the ghetto allies in 100° degree heat and the stench of garbage clinging to your clothes… and then another whole winter,  spring and fall in hotels again and at my brothers which was absolute torture,  not having a place to call home and feeling uncomfortable around family members is so heart breaking because I crave family and love.  It is the worst feeling when you don’t have it .

I’ve always felt so unwanted by mother.  She actually told me to go to the shelter and my brother always tried to find a reason to kick me out. When you have no where to go and you’re unwanted by your own family, your kids are taken, no car, no legitimate job, it sucks.

My dad is in Heaven or else I wouldn’t be in this situation. It’s so lonely being homeless and usually ppl who are homeless are so for 5 reasons.

  1. Lost their job. 
  2. No family
  3. Drug Addiction
  4. Their spouse died leaving them to fend for themselves because they have been a stay at home mom or dad with no college education.
  5. Or divorce, DV or other bad circumstances.

None of those reasons are good enough, for me anyways, to not take time out of your day to help one person just a little. Even if the money goes to a beer or whatever their vice is, you will never be forgotten by that homeless person and it will even make you feel good. You could be stopping someone from committing suicide. You never know.

So don’t judge the homeless. It could be you. Or your neighbor.

There’s a saying that goes something like ‘dont get too comfortable because you can go from having everything to being homeless in 30 days. And that’s what happened to me. Literally.

After losing my last house in my hometown, I ended up in the ghetto in a very nice house but still 850mo.  Made it a year then had to move. I had nowhere to go.
My lease was up in April 2012… After a couple months of couch bouncing I got an apartment.  Paid the 1st months rent and made arrangements for the deposit. Get the deposit 2 Weeks later and someone I knowstole it from me so again, I was evicted from that apartment that I only lived in for 2 weeks making that the 4th eviction in 5 years.

After I  lost my job and my kids were taken,  I spent so much money trying to live the same lifestyle before I lost my job. Still buying the finer things in life for my kids and to also look good for CPS.  But I was trying way out of my financial means and just made myself look worse for 4 years and ruining my credit.

This  last year I ended up at my brothers, who was left a 4 bedroom house when my dad died and he doesn’t have kids.  I was left a 2 bdrm shack that my grandfather still lives in and it should probably be condemned. I couldn’t get him to pay rent and how do you make your own grandfather pay rent or get out? I don’t have the heart to do that.

So I sold it in a curb sale, for 20gs, with him still in it. I was ignorant and blew through that money. My dad had just passed and shopping was my therapy.

So after living with my brother for almost a year and moving out because he said he wanted his home back to himself Ive been living in hotels. Not even one week later, HE MOVED IN 2 HEROIN ADDICTS.

“Yeah…fuck my sister, She’ll survive.” That broke my heart.

Don’t ever try to live outside your means.  You will lose everything. And I even preached that whole 30 day thing. And then it happened to me.

When my kids were taken in 2010, FOR NO REASON,  my life was over and it has taken 4 long years to even think straight,  let alone once again becoming normal citizen contributing to my many communities AND LIVING MY LIFE AS BEST AS I COULD.

That experience was so traumatic and to this day I’m always looking over my shoulder and crying myself to sleep every night . Years later…. 
I am now OCD with continuous anxiety and panic disorder, PTS and my kids don’t even know us that well because his mother is a bitch and thinks its best for my kids to not have us in their life. .

Not having a place to call home sweet home lonely.

I’m sure 80% would get a job if they had the proper documents to get one, transportation or someone in their life to help them. They would also need a nice outfit to wear to an interview. Have you ever seen a nicely dress homeless person?
So my point is, its not as easy as you think for the homeless to get a job and don’t judge them because you don’t know their story.

God forbid it happens to you. You’re not as safe as you think you are with your job or even your kids. If one person is jealous of what you have, all it takes is one call to CPS and BOOM, your life under a microscope…

So, this year I’m putting up a xmas tree and Mikensie is going to spend that night with me . I’m going to spoil her rotten this year.

Maybe it will feel like the good times 🙂

Xoxo

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