LEAVE ME ALONE!


Is it just me or does anyone else in the world feel like their life is controlled by someone else? Or you’re being pulled a thousand different directions? Do you feel like you’re drowning? That’s how I feel almost everyday.
I feel like I spend more time making others happy and never focus on my happiness. And as soon as I do, I Am the bad person.

I have a lot of personal issues going on in my life right now. So much so that I almost ended a relationship over it because I feel like 1. If i’m not happy, how can I make anyone else happy? and 2. I don’t have time for myself, let alone giving someone else the time I do have to myself.
Each day, it becomes more and more clear that I should be alone.

I can’t make someone happy right now.
I don’t feel like I should be answering to anyone at this stage in my life.
I especially don’t like the fact that if I leave my cell phone at home (like I did today) and when I come home after working all day, there are a million texts from someone. Some of them are ok, calmly asking where I am and some are shitty in a subtle way & basically say “wtf?” and some plainly say “wtf? Don’t you love me?”. I mean, really…How many times do I have to answer that question?

It’s truly annoying. Especially whenever I do see this person he can’t just focus on the time we do spend together, we have to map out our whole life in one night. It’s annoying as fuck!
I am in the here and now. What tomorrow brings, I don’t know. And no matter what anyone says, you can’t promise anything because you can’t guarantee tomorrow. So quit asking me to promise shit.

I feel like I have to constantly keep everyone around me happy and I am terribly miserable. I am so miserable I have been sleeping so much the past week just to escape reality of this big fucking mess and the responsibilities and problems in my life.

I think people just think I am just sitting here by the phone, not doing a fucking thing, just waiting on the edge of my seat for their call or to help them, coddle them, comfort them, talk to them etc. I JUST DON’T HAVE THE FUCKING CARE IN ME ANYMORE.

Either:

A. You love me for who I am, what my world consists of, how disorganized I am and all of my issues and give me some fucking space and accept what time we do have together, or

B. Leave me the fuck alone sometimes and just live day to day with me.

Because if you don’t choose option B, we’re going to be constantly fighting about option A.
I am no one’s puppet. I do my best to make everyone happy but I have to make myself happy too. That’s all I wanted to say.

Speak Your Peace!

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