RIP Daddy

My dad and I didn’t have a relationship. It wasn’t until 2 years befre he died that I learned why.

It wasn’t because he was a dead beat dad.

It wasn’t because he didn’t love me.

It wasn’t because he didn’t want me.

Even though over the years of my childhood it was always a constant battle between my mom and him over child support, even putting us in the middle, even though I knew he cared about my brother more than me, even though I rarely visited my dad, even though he was the one who always got me out of trouble, even though I always “hated” him for not being there for me, he cheated on my mom when she was pregnant with me, he always had 4 or 5 long term girlfriends while engage to my step mom for the same amount of time (25 years), even though I have fond memories of him as a child, and even though I didn’t have him give me away at my first wedding, I still loved my dad, immensely, even though he died while having sex with one of his girlfriends.

This happened 2 years after we had finally patched things up. We finally start getting close and he dies on me.
I finally grow up and see him for the kind person he was and not the monster my mother painted him to be because of her hurt.

I looked at my dad as my dad, not my mom’s ex-husband. I looked at him as my dad and not the man who did all those horrible things to my mom.

And he died.

I have to wonder…they say your life flashes before your eyes when you die. It grosses me out to think he was naked and having sex when his last thoughts were probably my brother and I. But then again, we’re brought into this world naked, he went out the same way.

Loving your parent shouldn’t have anything to do with their past or present relationship. You need to differentiate the love between your parent and the love of a child. Because it is very different. What your parents went through or are going through is none of your concern. What is your concern is to continue the love you have for both of them. I made the mistake of hating my dad for what he did to my mom and didn’t realize until it was to late that none of that mattered. I lost out on a big part of my life because I was stubborn. Yeah, I wish he didn’t have 4 different lives, but who am I to tell someone how to live their life?

When he died, the perfect song came out the same week. August 2007 Christina Aguellira wrote and sang ‘Hurt’.
That’s how I feel.
I wish I could take it back.
I wish I didn’t hurt him.
I wish he was still here.

Love your parent unconditionally.

Nobody’s perfect.

To my dad:


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