I thought since I tend to write about things I experience moreso than about me, I’d make this entry about me.
Don’t run off just yet. LOL
I can’t beleieve I’m going to write this for the whole world to know.
It’s one of my biggest secrets in my life. But not for long.
I didn’t graduate high school. I don’t know what it’s like to walk down the isle at at graduation or go to a prom or homecoming dance. To see the proud look on my parent’s faces. I don’t know the feeling of holding a diploma of any kind in my hand and being proud of my education.
In fact, I didn’t make it past the 8th grade.
A lot of people ask me “Why?! You’re so smart! Why would you drop out at such a young age?”
TRUST- When you have a 300lbs bad ass monster chick who is known to beat ass and already humiliated me one time in front of all my “friends” by doing so, looking for you every morning when you walk through the school doors or taunting you in the hallway everyday or telling you if you come to school she’s going to kill you, it pretty much kills the mood to learn and destroys any grasp of the thought process to absorb information being taught by the teachers.
I learned how to look over my shoulder, choose my friends wisely, walk quickly to wherever I was going, cry myself to sleep at night, sleep in everyday and get into a lot of trouble and have truance charges pressed on me but I didn’t learn how to open my mouth and tell someone what was happening to me. Of course, back then, bullying wasn’t a big deal. Kids were told to suck it up. Ignore them. Tell the teacher.
Ha! Ok, yeah. That’ll just get my ass beat worse than it already was.
I never understood why this girl, who once was my friend, wanted to hurt me. I weighed about 100lbs in school.
I didn’t find out until years later it was because of my first boyfriend. She was in love with him and had been doing him “favors” that I wasn’t.
To this day that girl, now a woman, haunts my inner being. I could cry just thinking about what ONE single person did to an entire life, a little girl’s dreams. I know that I am smart. I could have been class president. I could have been not just a cheerleader but the HEAD cheerleader. I could have been so many things in school. But one person killed it all for me. One person who was so insecure with herself ruined it for me and a lot of other people she bullied.
After graduation, I took the GED pretest. I passed it with flying colors without even studying. But instead of doing the right thing, my mind was totally taken off of my education from just one girl. I was already a loser. Actually, I dropped out in the 9th grade. I completed the 8th and went through the 9th THREE times until one day one of my teachers crushed my motivation and dreams after class by telling me I was too old to be in the class and it would benefit me more to get my GED. By this time the bully had either graduated or dropped out I don’t know. She was gone, so I was doing just fine in school I WANTED to graduate with a diploma. I didn’t want a stupid GED. So with that I walked out of my high school with a crushed heart and dreams I decided I was just a loser. I deserved nothing for doing nothing.
I never did get my GED. I still don’t have one. But I have taken some college courses, paid out of pocket by myself.
I can’t get financial aid because I don’t have a GED. I just have to get my it before I graduate. It’s a community college. Not my 1st choice. But it was my only choice. I don’t want a GED. I want what everyone else got that worked so hard for all through elementary school and middle school.
All those years for NOTHING?!!?
To date, I have been married 2 times, owned 3 businesses, had 4 children and I get by everyday in life by struggling. Just because of one person. It only takes one person to affect the life of another so much so that it can destroy a person. And the one destroying it, didn’t even know it.
I saw her about 5 years after school in a gas station she was working at. She bullied me then by giving me an evil look.
But I just brushed it off, bought my things and walked outside not looking back and jumped into my shiny new Ford Expedition.
Just last year, I contact her through Facebook. I sat on the idea for a week or so thinking about sending her a private message, letting her know what she did to my life. Finally, 2 weeks later, I sent that message. The response I got back I think was worse than the bullying itself sooo many years ago.
“I don’t even remember. I’m sorry.” she said.
I accepted her apology and I never contacted her again.
So there you have it. I was bullied out of school in the 8th grade by someone who doesn’t even rememeber what she did to another person’s life. NO ONE will ever bully my children. I’ve already been down that road, a very short road, with my oldest daughter and I will probably go down it again with my other 3 children. But I’ll be damed if I will let a bully take any of my children’s dreams away from them.