It’s really bittersweet to answer this question for my 16 year old daughter. Especially because she’s so beautiful she could have any boy she wanted. I don’t understand why she has problems finding a boyfriend, not that I want her to have one.
I learned from my mistakes and taught her well because of them. When I was a teen, I settled for the first good looking guy who liked me only because I wasn’t popular, nor was I a geek, but I definitely wasn’t one the boys drooled over…well, at least I didn’t think I was.
So when she approached me with this question, I looked at her with wise eyes and said “He will come when you least expect it”. Knowing that since I raised her to not settle for less and to hold her purity close to her heart, she wouldn’t have any luck any time soon to find a boy to go steady with her. I’ve taught her that teenage boys are after one thing. Satisfaction. She may get lucky (no pun intended) and find someone who wants the same as her, abstinence, and when she does it’s going to be rare that they’re her type. But when she does find him, she better hang on tight.
She’s had boyfriends here and there, but as soon as they find out she doesn’t put out, they dump her for a friend that will. And my fear is, she is going to get hurt so many times and figure that it would be better to be “liked” by boys then heartbroken. But I think I’ve done a good job teaching her that she is as easily disposed as the next girl.
It’s truly heartbreaking and a moment of celebration when that question is asked by your daughter. On one hand, you don’t want ANY boy to like her, but on the other, for her sake, you want to tell her what to do and how to get them to like her.
I think I gave her the best advice possible.
“All the boys like you baby. They just don’t want you right now because they want the girls that are easy.
You don’t want to be labeled ‘easy’ do you? ”
“No”, she replied.
“After you’re out of high school, you’ll find someone who will care enough about you and someone who is either still a virgin like you or has realized that sex is not what’s important in a relationship. If you come across a guy that doesn’t think that way, he’s not worth your time and he’s selfish. I know you’re lonely, I know you envy those girls that do have boyfriends, but those girls are humiliating themselves by giving up a prized possession just to have a boyfriend. Not ALL of them, but most of them. The girl who does put out isn’t really happy with herself, has a guilty conscience and low self esteem.
Since you are the age you are, you are showing independence, leadership and the fact that you won’t settle. You want the best for yourself. And you’ll get it. Somebody is going to LOVE that quality about you.”
When I talk to her about this, she always says I’m right, thanks me for talking to her and feels better. But I just know it’s only going to take that ONE boy who woos her and makes her think he’ll wait, make her fall in love with him and then she’ll give in. I hope to God she stays strong and stands her ground. I was the same way but it only took that one boy.
So the best advice you can give a teenage daughter is to be strong and don’t settle for less. All the boys want the same thing at that age and they’ll just be another statistic if they give in. And hope and pray to God that she listens.