When you lose your husband…Sort of.

My husband is dead, but in reality he’s not.

Living with someone you love SO much, more than you ever thought you could possibly love someone…
and being so far apart in the heart and soul is the most disturbing thing EVER. I never thought I’d be in this position.
Even after being hurt som many times by him, emotionally, physically and verbally, it doesn’t phase me or
bring me to leave him anymore. Threats of that are far too many they’ve become a part of my daily language.

I often dream about a single life with just me and my 4 children. But then I also know that in that single life,
there will be many lonely nights without him. Nights of crying and sadness, being mad.
Feeling like a quitter or a failure at something I was so determined to succeed at as a child.

The only thing that will fix us is him and he’s yet to do anything to do so and only showers me with promises. Not flowers.

I always wanted a husband and a lot of children.
I have that now…but the husband part is the broken piece.
The biggest piece of all. And when its gone and doesn’t feel like it will ever come back, the thoughts of
being single come and the thoughts of being lonely follow.

Even though I’m already lonely.
And he’s sitting right next to me.


Speak Your Peace!

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